No one wants to be a bad interviewee
Issue #2
G’day and welcome back to Questionable Advice.
A note on the last issue: Some people reached out to me and said that Issue #1 made them reflect on the generic questions they ask the people in their life and whether they could ask better stuff, which I love. But I want to clarify—I’m not suggesting that you can’t ask generic questions. I ask them all the time. It’s the intent behind them that’s worth thinking about. Do you actually care how someone is, when you ask? And are you willing to go there if they answer, “Not that good”? Importantly, does the person feel your interest and is confident to offer “Not that good” to you, or are they more likely to say, “Good thanks and how are you?”
A classic example I face all the time is, “How’s the show going?” I can’t fault that people are being polite and nice and showing some interest. But the question is such a large one to answer that I often find it daunting—what do they want to hear? Which bit do I tell them?
If they tweaked the question to be, for example, “Are you in production and what stage are you at?”, it narrows the ask and focuses me as a responder, which helps me offer something interesting. Which brings me to my point today:
Everyone wants to do a good job when they’re interviewed
Everyone wants to be interesting or funny or wise or tell good stories. It doesn’t matter who you are, whether you’re the Prime Minister or someone I stop to interview on the street—no one wants to be a bad interviewee.
So, when acting as a question-asker, consider that your role is to help this person do a good job. But more than that, help them be great, help them shine. A way to do that is to ask questions that enable the person to be naturally interesting or funny or wise or tell good stories.
I was talking to a stranger at a bar recently and she surmised that she would be a terrible interview subject—that she hasn’t got good stories to tell and doesn’t have interesting things to say. I suggested we test it out. I asked her, “What’s been the most embarrassing moment of your life?” A terrible question. Very difficult to answer. To come up with the most embarrassing moment of your life, you have to sift through your whole life, pinpoint embarrassing moments, then order and finally choose the standout. Some people can answer this. They’re naturally good at having a story at the ready or choosing one. But many other people, myself included, want to do right by the question and choose the most embarrassing moment—after all, that was the question. The problem is, under the pressure of wanting to answer with something entertaining or interesting, whilst simultaneously trying to work out, “What are they getting at with this question? What do they really want to know?”—drawing a blank, as this girl did, is a common result. And so it’s natural to conclude that you are no good at being an interviewee.
After she struggled to answer the first question, I changed tact. I asked with genuine interest, “Do you ever get embarrassed?” to which she replied, “Yeah all the time, I'm always doing stupid things”.
“Like what?” I asked. Without thinking, she offered, “Running out of petrol, losing my phone, sending texts to the wrong person.”
Suddenly fascinated, I followed up with, “How long have you been like that?”
“As long as I can remember! When I was a teenager, I used to blah blah blah”.... and off she went.
We spoke about these moments, of being a teenager, her relationship with her mum, making mistakes, how we’d changed over time and also how we hadn’t, and after twenty very entertaining minutes, I stopped her and told her I genuinely thought she’d be a great interview subject.
My point is that sure, there are some people that are naturally gifted or more practised at telling stories and sharing their opinions. But everyone can actually do it. The question is, in your interactions, are you asking something that is hard to answer, or are you asking something to help that person be great?
Of course, there are other factors at play too. Being genuinely interested, like I spoke about in Issue #1, is definitely important as well. But if you come to your interactions realising that you can connect with everyone, regardless of who they are, what matters is whether you ask the right questions to unlock that person in the moment.
I was worth interviewing
The seed of this idea was planted quite a few years ago by a mentor and among many other things, the co-creator of You Can’t Ask That, Jon Casimir. Before television, Jon was a newspaper journalist for the best part of two decades. He and I are both students of curiosity! I went back and asked him about this idea. He explained,
“The penny dropped that most journalists come into interviews thinking that they're transactional, that it's a quid pro quo situation. They say to themselves, what does this person want from this interview? And the answer they give themselves is almost always, to sell their book, to sell their movie, to sell their political viewpoint, to sell their business, whatever it may be. But it's to sell something.
But it's much more deep-seated than that. What they actually most want out of the interview is to be a good interviewee. It's to look at the result and go, “I was worth interviewing”.
So you've gotta give people a chance to be good at being interviewed. To shine in that first block of the interview. Then they’re gonna relax and stop worrying about whether they're coming across okay.”
So this week, ask someone a question that helps them hit a home run, where they are funny or wise or interesting. Where they shine. Let me know how you go in the comments below.
If you have a question or an idea about the interview process you’d like me to explore, email me at kirk@questionableadvice.com.au.
‘Til next time,
Kirk
Kirk Docker is the co-creator and director of award-winning TV show You Can’t Ask That. When it comes to the content he creates, no subject is off-topic. Kirk’s interviewees range from ex-politicians to ice users to sexual assault survivors. He has a deep curiosity, compassion and playfulness that elicits honesty from his participants, many of whom have never sat in front of a camera before.
Find out more about Kirk at kirkdocker.com. Connect with him on LinkedIn.
Jon Casimir. The thinking person's thinking person (except when it comes to rugby league).