G’day and welcome to the first issue of Questionable Advice: a newsletter where I endeavour to share what I’ve learnt, (and continue to learn) interviewing thousands of people across the last 20 years.
The interview process—asking questions, listening, helping people share what they need to say—is something I’ve practised since my teenage years. My parents both love talking to strangers, and inadvertently passed down a passion for doing so to me. My dad is a former Contiki tour guide—a wild man that can talk to anyone. Mum, being one of four girls, was born into an environment where open communication was a constant, but marrying my dad also meant she had to be able to hold her own in conversation. Being curious and lacking a fear of conversations with new people was something I was exposed to from a young age. It’s only been in recent years that I began thinking deeply about this skill set. I realised I’m not inherently curious or gifted at asking questions, there was technique behind what I did—and a whole lot of practice.
I’m by no means an expert in all interviewing styles—a shock jock goes about their business very differently to a therapist, both of which are separate to how I operate. I have my own style and interest in certain subject matters. So as well as unpacking my own learnings across these issues, I plan to lean on other professional interviewers and their craft as I investigate certain topics and ideas.
In today’s issue, I begin to look at what is a good question? It’s a complex question, and today I’m really only scratching the surface. So let’s get started.
What’s a good question? Start by asking something you want to know the answer to.
One of my pet hates is bumping into an old friend or acquaintance and they automatically ask something along the lines of, “How are you?” or “What’s going on?” only to zone out as you respond with something you hope will interest or entertain them.
It’s not really the question that bothers me. It’s the intent behind the question. While of course, you need an opener, and “How are you?” or “What’s going on?” are easy and obvious, I often get the feeling the person doesn’t really care about my answer, or will only care if it hits a certain sweet spot for them. Basically, they're not asking the question because they genuinely want to know my answer.
In unpacking the idea of what is a good question?, there are many factors, and context plays a big role: How well do you know the person? Have you built rapport with them? Are you at the start or mid-interview? What response are you looking for? etc. But a good place to start when designing an effective question is to ask something you actually want to know the answer to.
Sounds obvious right? But I often see people ask questions they aren't actually curious about—where they have no intention of listening or actually learning from the answer. The opening questions mentioned above are easy and generic, that’s why we ask them. On the other hand, asking a question you want to know the answer to requires some thinking. It requires intention and interest.
When I talk about my show You Can’t Ask That, I'm often asked how we choose a group of people to focus on for each episode—whether it be Lesbians or Alcoholics or survivors of Domestic Violence. One way we test if a group is suitable is whether there are 10 burning questions we want to ask them. Often the best groups have 20 or 30 questions we’d love to ask. One of the great lessons of making the show was having to cull that long list down to the 10 best questions. It meant that we had to ditch anything we didn’t really care about, even if it felt like an obvious question to ask. Going through this process, I’ve realised that in previous interviews, I’d spend too long on these warm-up questions, questions I felt I had to ask, but didn’t really care about the answer or knew it probably wouldn't make the edit.
Going back to what is a good question? When you ask a question you are genuinely curious about, the person answering will feel your interest and will answer generously and with more enthusiasm. From here, rather than firing back with a totally new question about a different topic, follow your curiosity and ask some follow-up questions: flesh out the idea, and the next thing you know you’ll be in a real dialogue with someone.
If you don’t trust me, trust Oprah
In December 1986, as Oprah’s star was rising, she was interviewed by Mike Wallace for 60 Minutes. Her Chicago-based talk show had recently gone national. She was already known for having an innate connection with her mainly female audience. Mike challenged her on it.
Mike: I understand that when you prepare for a broadcast. You don’t really prepare, in that you don’t have a script, you don’t have questions. Do you wing it?
Oprah: Yeah basically I do.
MW: Why?
OW: Because I think that I’m a surrogate viewer and I feel really connected to the women who are out there watching me.
MW: I know, but having said that, still if you’re going to be a proxy, you have to ask the questions that they want the answer to.
OW: (in unison) They want the answer to!
So, that’s what I do. I ask the questions that I want the answers to.
4 Good Questions
I reached out to three different interviewers and asked them for a “good question”. I’ve also included one of my own. Unsurprisingly, each person responded quite differently, however, there are similarities among the questions. Each question is multi-layered—they do more than just elicit a response in words—they may set a tone, or make you think outside the box, or encourage you to give someone honest about yourself or make you reflect. Of course, questions change with the context in which they are asked, but in all the cases below, the questions are looking to understand. Or, as Dr Smith noted, “they seek and show that they are seeking”. And the answers to these questions, as Ruby noted, have the potential for universality—where you as the listener can connect to the feeling or experience the interviewee is talking about.
Try answering them yourself or asking someone important in your life you want to have a better conversation with.
My own
“What do people get wrong about you?”
Ruby Jones, host of daily podcast 7am
“How did this change you?”
Dr Calum Smith, Forensic psychiatrist
“What can I do to help you feel safe?”
Andrew Denton, host of podcast Better Off Dead and TV show Enough Rope
“How would you describe how time feels to you?”
That’s all for my first issue. If this is something you think others will enjoy, pass it on! If you have a question or an idea about the interview process you’d like me to explore, email me at kirk@questionableadvice.com.au.
‘Til next time,
Kirk
Kirk Docker is the co-creator and director of award winning TV show You Can’t Ask That. When it comes to the content he creates, no subject is off-topic. Kirk’s interviewees range from ex-politicians to ice users to sexual assault survivors. He has a deep curiosity, compassion and playfulness that elicits honesty from his participants, many of whom have never sat in front of a camera before.
Find out more about Kirk at kirkdocker.com. Connect with him on LinkedIn.
Took this to a family get together. There were revelations Thanks for shifting the convo from 'How's work?'
Great newsletter Kirk. We needs better listeners....and better questions.
Thanks Kirk. Enjoyable reading.